My mental health journey: On supplements aka “I get by with a little help from my friends”

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I almost can't believe how many times in the recent months I've had to yell internally, "PLOT TWIST!" and just… get on with it. . . … What I really wanted to end that sentence with was "just… embrace the suck." I've been stressed and down for a bit and, for someone who's already prone to depressive tendenices, it's almost been kinda scary. But part of me owning my voice is owning this, feeling shame and speaking the truth anyway . . .Somewhere in those plot twists, I've lost myself. People can be scared to turn into their 30's and what I can say is, yeah you have to be ready. It's a time where if you haven't learned the lesson yet, life is really gonna teach you. At least that's what it's been like for me. I've learned and I'm still learning a lot, particularly about relationships and what I want out of life – almost too much for a short span of time. And I've lost myself more than I thought I'd be able to. . .I received an energy healing the other day and the healer said that she got this image of me straddling a fence where on the other side was quicksand and the other side was fire. She said, obviously you want to get out of the fire and I have 🙏🏼 I'm still feeling the heat, I'm realizing how stressed out I really was. She also said, just hold on a bit longer and soon there'll be no more quicksand, and there'll be a huge bucket of water. The good news is, I'm in a place where I can really believe that it's possible. . .To be honest, I didn't really feel like sharing much at all. Because I’m ashamed, sadness can feel like you failed at life somehow. But I am sharing, in an effort to have this experience move through me and heal. I’m trying a lot of things 🙏🏼 Calling on the Universe. I know You’ve got me 🙏🏼

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This has been me, for a little bit of time now. Enough time for me to be a little worried, but not enough time for me to despair.

I’m not too worried because this isn’t my first go around the bend. I’ve never been diagnosed because… I don’t really want to identify myself with any condition and have that define who I am, or how people see me – nor do I want to discount the very real and more intense experiences of those friends I’ve known with diagnosed clinical depression. But, yeah, the truth – All my life I’ve had depressive episodes. Sometimes lasting for a day, sometimes months, sometimes shallow enough to easily break through, and sometimes it was like I would never feel happy again. I remember being a young kid and having a few moments where I actually thought, I need help. And I’ve had some of those moments as an adult too.

I’ve accepted this cycle of up and down and see it as a part of life – because brushing it off has never ever served me. In a way, I can organize my life by those episodes. I see the moments of sad numbness and gray tasteless everything… And then I see the actual moment when I felt the sun start shining in my mind again. It’s its own reward, observing all the goodness that came from just sticking it out and not giving up on myself — all the things I was able to accomplish, all the learning, all the love that I always knew was there but actually felt now coming from everywhere and everyone.

All I really had to do was believe that I was stronger than I thought.

… And give myself the tools to have that strength break through and up like a seed reaching for the light.

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Learning the Hanuman Chalisa and finding my voice

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To begin with, the Hanuman Chalisa is a 40-verse hymn that describes the life, adventures, and wonders of the monkey god, Hanuman.


I first encountered it when I went to the Ram Dass’ retreat in Maui in early of 2018 and literally the only impression I had at the time was… “Gosh this is a long song with two many words I can’t repeat.” Haha! As you’ll see in my video if you’d like to watch it, it is long, and yes there are too many foreign words to count, it feels like. Of course, as these things happen, it is now one of my main practices of devotion – I do it one to 20 times a day now, depending on how much I need to find my way back to home. It’s a song I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.


If you do feel like watching the video, here’s the words to read along with. Hanuman Chalisa

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How my guru, Maharaj-ji, found me

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I’ve been a spiritual person for a long time and, if I’ve gotten anywhere in life at all, I’ve always seen it as being on account of faith.

But, if you had told me just a couple of years ago that I would call someone my guru, leave an old life and go to his ashram, bow to his image feeling like crying, and call someone Baba — well I really, really wouldn’t have been able to imagine it. I considered myself spiritual but with enough “muggle” inside me to be skeptical of unexplainable devotion and strong emotion. And yet, here I am.

I do believe that’s one of the beauties of having a guru though, and in particular, the one I call my own: Maharaj-ji. You are constantly surprised by what opens up in your life and you see it all for what it is, incredible grace and love. How else to explain things you could never have planned or thought to happen in your own life?

Image from Neem Karoli Baba Ashram
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A Letter to Anyone who’s ever had fight/s with their Partner

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Aloha.

Before I begin, I’d just like to share a disclaimer that I am in NO way an expert on relationships. I’m just gonna speak to my experience 🙂 And so if you wanted some professional advice, maybe another article? But try your best not to read those super click-baity ones. They can actually make you more anxious.

And if you’re still here, then YAY. Because that means you too have had conflicts in your relationship big enough for you to read a letter such as this – and I’m not the only one. Big exhale.

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A Letter to Anyone who’s ever hit a Plateau

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You know it’s serious when the yogi who’s all about contentment and acceptance starts talking about plateaus 😉 And also, if you find yourself clicking on something that says “A Letter to Anyone who’s ever hit a Plateau.”

Most likely means, we’re ready to get off of it.

Since moving into my own place in July and doing the whole adulting thing, I can say I’ve found a happiness that is hard to compare to any other time in my life. It’s been an interesting feeling, being so surrounded by peace and joy on a regular basis (especially when it was always sunny outside), that I had to investigate into the feeling and validate that this was something humans could actually experience  😝

My investigation lead me to gurus like Ram Dass and Alan Watts – who I know listen to on such a regular basis that I feel like I’m hanging out with them often. Here’s a link to one of my favorite lectures of his, Embracing our Humanity.

That being said, with all my study and while living in such a beautiful place that constantly inspires contentment, I still feel the pull of moving forward and getting off my peaceful plateau… and that’s okay.

As human beings, our directive in this life is both to change, to experience, and to let our spirits learn and grow through pain and happiness – things that are a little hard to do when we unwilling to join the ups and downs of life. And in the end, clinging to a plateau makes the plateau just another trap – and defeats the purpose of being free. 

At least that’s what it seems like from over here, from someone who’s thoroughly been enjoying plateau-life for a while 😝

And I suppose the point of this letter is mostly that, to share this invitation I’ve been feeling for quite a while, to get up, do something, and change all over again ☺️🙏🏼

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What I learned from saying goodbye to being a full-time yoga teacher

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It’s literally been forever since I’ve written here and when before I used my blog as a tool for sharing information and attracting abundance – I use it now as a space to decompress and know myself again.

Thinking about it now, I’m pretty sure a big part of why I’ve put this blog and my writing to the side is because I feel like it was part of a life that is so different from what I’m living now.

When before I was a full-time teacher, now I teach 3 classes a week – at most 5 to 6. I’m lucky enough to say that those classes are part of a full-time 40-hour job at a nonprofit called the Kaimuki YMCA, where most of my day I’m writing, creating, brainstorming, and serving the staff who work there as their go-to marketing and media person.

When before I was living with my parents and had a little bit of luxury when it came to disposable income and not having to cook or clean or even do my laundry, now I pay the rent, use a fraction of my time making my house a home and spend a good part of an afternoon or an evening making sure I have food to eat.

When before I could do yoga 5 times a week plus go to meditations and be a student, now I practice at most 3 times a week and spend my other time working, enjoying myself in nature, and being in the company of a loving partner.

In some ways, this new life may seem unsavory and filled with personal obligations and adulating, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy 🙂

That’s not to say that I don’t miss teaching full-time, because I truly do. Being my own boss, being a full-time yogi, having the freedom to dictate where and when I work, being able to share and impact people first-hand – it’s pretty self-explanatory why I would miss it.

But… in the time that I haven’t, I’ve learned a lot.

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Gone to learn: Off to train in adaptive yoga therapy

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For the first time in almost two years of teaching yoga, I’m gonna take a break that’s more than a week — more than two months to be exact. This… scares the shit out of me. (READ: On teaching: Passing the one-year mark, learning how to love)

I am absolutely, everyday, head over heels in love with my job and I’m more than happy to be known as “that girl who teaches yoga.” Now, I am confronted with the “essential transience” of all things. Who am I when I’m not being a yoga teacher? How will I be able to go back to my teaching practice? Will I be able to save money? All these questions and more are giving me pre-trip anxiety.

My solution is to focus on service 💖

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#CoachYourself: Build good habits through Rewards & Accountability

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Today’s #CoachYourself tool for coaching ourselves actually comes from a coaching client of mine 🙂

At the end of each session, I usually give coaching clients an exercise or, if they’ve created an action point for themselves, I ask if they’d like me to hold them accountable for doing what they said they would do. Most say yes 🙂 One client went beyond a yes and even created a system on how I could hold him accountable exactly – which is what I’ll be sharing with you today.

Since then, I’ve actually adopted this awesome accountability system with other coaching clients and it’s worked beautifully so far. Perhaps it’ll work for you too.

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Yoga Teachers of Manila: Joana Medina

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Back when I was on the student’s side of the yoga classroom, teachers always seemed so impenetrable in their calm happiness, and sometimes even, otherworldly. Now that I’m a yoga teacher myself, I can tell you all with full confidence and honesty: we can be just as crazy, unhinged, insecure, uncool, basic, and normal as everyone else on the planet.

And you can bet the teachers in Manila have a lot of the Filipino quirks you can think of too 😉

In an attempt to demystify yoga teachers and the seeming perfection of their practice as seen through social media, I’m starting a series on my blog not-so-creatively entitled “Yoga Teachers of Manila.”

With grace and honesty, yoga teachers share with us their struggles, their funny “un-yogi” moments, and what keeps them on their mat as a teacher and as a student.

For this post, let’s talk about teacher Joana Medina 🙂

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