Going up solo to share in the sacred magic of Mauna Kea and its Kia’i

“One of the world’s largest telescopes is being proposed for the top of Hawai’i’s most sacred mountain, Mauna Kea.”

The beginning line from this beautiful story of why Hawaiians, the residents of these islands, and all those who understand the value of sacred spaces are defending this sacred mountain, and protecting it from an 18-story concrete telescope.

“If you believe something that immense will not create repercussions, I ask you to rethink that deeply…. This time we speak for the mountain, and the mountain says no.”

I myself am not Hawaiian, nor will I ever claim to be. But since learning about it this year, I’ve felt strongly about it and been drawn to the call to make a stand.

From how I see and feel it, the sacred lands of Hawai’i represent all our sacred lands – and more importantly, all that is sacred within us. If we do our research we’ll know that to stand with true science doesn’t mean we have to be on the other side as the Hawaiian people and their Mauna Kea. (READ: Hundreds of Astronomers Denounce Arrest of Native Hawaiians Protesting Thirty Meter Telescope)

For me, denouncing TMT was a very easy call to make because… I just will always be the kind of person who choses spirit and heritage over development that doesn’t mean development FOR ALL . And, now that I’ve gone up Mauna Wakea twice, with my most recent visit being one to stand with the kia’i (protectors) of the mountain – the call isn’t just easy to make. It’s just the right thing to do.

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My mental health journey: On supplements aka “I get by with a little help from my friends”

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I almost can't believe how many times in the recent months I've had to yell internally, "PLOT TWIST!" and just… get on with it. . . … What I really wanted to end that sentence with was "just… embrace the suck." I've been stressed and down for a bit and, for someone who's already prone to depressive tendenices, it's almost been kinda scary. But part of me owning my voice is owning this, feeling shame and speaking the truth anyway . . .Somewhere in those plot twists, I've lost myself. People can be scared to turn into their 30's and what I can say is, yeah you have to be ready. It's a time where if you haven't learned the lesson yet, life is really gonna teach you. At least that's what it's been like for me. I've learned and I'm still learning a lot, particularly about relationships and what I want out of life – almost too much for a short span of time. And I've lost myself more than I thought I'd be able to. . .I received an energy healing the other day and the healer said that she got this image of me straddling a fence where on the other side was quicksand and the other side was fire. She said, obviously you want to get out of the fire and I have 🙏🏼 I'm still feeling the heat, I'm realizing how stressed out I really was. She also said, just hold on a bit longer and soon there'll be no more quicksand, and there'll be a huge bucket of water. The good news is, I'm in a place where I can really believe that it's possible. . .To be honest, I didn't really feel like sharing much at all. Because I’m ashamed, sadness can feel like you failed at life somehow. But I am sharing, in an effort to have this experience move through me and heal. I’m trying a lot of things 🙏🏼 Calling on the Universe. I know You’ve got me 🙏🏼

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This has been me, for a little bit of time now. Enough time for me to be a little worried, but not enough time for me to despair.

I’m not too worried because this isn’t my first go around the bend. I’ve never been diagnosed because… I don’t really want to identify myself with any condition and have that define who I am, or how people see me – nor do I want to discount the very real and more intense experiences of those friends I’ve known with diagnosed clinical depression. But, yeah, the truth – All my life I’ve had depressive episodes. Sometimes lasting for a day, sometimes months, sometimes shallow enough to easily break through, and sometimes it was like I would never feel happy again. I remember being a young kid and having a few moments where I actually thought, I need help. And I’ve had some of those moments as an adult too.

I’ve accepted this cycle of up and down and see it as a part of life – because brushing it off has never ever served me. In a way, I can organize my life by those episodes. I see the moments of sad numbness and gray tasteless everything… And then I see the actual moment when I felt the sun start shining in my mind again. It’s its own reward, observing all the goodness that came from just sticking it out and not giving up on myself — all the things I was able to accomplish, all the learning, all the love that I always knew was there but actually felt now coming from everywhere and everyone.

All I really had to do was believe that I was stronger than I thought.

… And give myself the tools to have that strength break through and up like a seed reaching for the light.

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A Letter to Anyone who’s ever hit a Plateau

You know it’s serious when the yogi who’s all about contentment and acceptance starts talking about plateaus 😉 And also, if you find yourself clicking on something that says “A Letter to Anyone who’s ever hit a Plateau.”

Most likely means, we’re ready to get off of it.

Since moving into my own place in July and doing the whole adulting thing, I can say I’ve found a happiness that is hard to compare to any other time in my life. It’s been an interesting feeling, being so surrounded by peace and joy on a regular basis (especially when it was always sunny outside), that I had to investigate into the feeling and validate that this was something humans could actually experience  😝

My investigation lead me to gurus like Ram Dass and Alan Watts – who I know listen to on such a regular basis that I feel like I’m hanging out with them often. Here’s a link to one of my favorite lectures of his, Embracing our Humanity.

That being said, with all my study and while living in such a beautiful place that constantly inspires contentment, I still feel the pull of moving forward and getting off my peaceful plateau… and that’s okay.

As human beings, our directive in this life is both to change, to experience, and to let our spirits learn and grow through pain and happiness – things that are a little hard to do when we unwilling to join the ups and downs of life. And in the end, clinging to a plateau makes the plateau just another trap – and defeats the purpose of being free. 

At least that’s what it seems like from over here, from someone who’s thoroughly been enjoying plateau-life for a while 😝

And I suppose the point of this letter is mostly that, to share this invitation I’ve been feeling for quite a while, to get up, do something, and change all over again ☺️🙏🏼

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What I learned from saying goodbye to being a full-time yoga teacher

It’s literally been forever since I’ve written here and when before I used my blog as a tool for sharing information and attracting abundance – I use it now as a space to decompress and know myself again.

Thinking about it now, I’m pretty sure a big part of why I’ve put this blog and my writing to the side is because I feel like it was part of a life that is so different from what I’m living now.

When before I was a full-time teacher, now I teach 3 classes a week – at most 5 to 6. I’m lucky enough to say that those classes are part of a full-time 40-hour job at a nonprofit called the Kaimuki YMCA, where most of my day I’m writing, creating, brainstorming, and serving the staff who work there as their go-to marketing and media person.

When before I was living with my parents and had a little bit of luxury when it came to disposable income and not having to cook or clean or even do my laundry, now I pay the rent, use a fraction of my time making my house a home and spend a good part of an afternoon or an evening making sure I have food to eat.

When before I could do yoga 5 times a week plus go to meditations and be a student, now I practice at most 3 times a week and spend my other time working, enjoying myself in nature, and being in the company of a loving partner.

In some ways, this new life may seem unsavory and filled with personal obligations and adulating, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy 🙂

That’s not to say that I don’t miss teaching full-time, because I truly do. Being my own boss, being a full-time yogi, having the freedom to dictate where and when I work, being able to share and impact people first-hand – it’s pretty self-explanatory why I would miss it.

But… in the time that I haven’t, I’ve learned a lot.

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Gone to learn: Off to train in adaptive yoga therapy

For the first time in almost two years of teaching yoga, I’m gonna take a break that’s more than a week — more than two months to be exact. This… scares the shit out of me. (READ: On teaching: Passing the one-year mark, learning how to love)

I am absolutely, everyday, head over heels in love with my job and I’m more than happy to be known as “that girl who teaches yoga.” Now, I am confronted with the “essential transience” of all things. Who am I when I’m not being a yoga teacher? How will I be able to go back to my teaching practice? Will I be able to save money? All these questions and more are giving me pre-trip anxiety.

My solution is to focus on service 💖

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What I’ve learned about people, as a Life Coach (6 months in)

Obviously, as you’ll see from the title of this post, I haven’t been a Life Coach for very long… which is precisely the reason why I just had to write this post.

I’ve only been a life coach for approximately six months and in that short time, I’ve learned so much about people, it’s insane. I have no ambitions of entertaining the idea that I’m expert, nor that I already know exactly what I’m doing either 😉 I’m just doing my best. I can say thought that I feel like very slowly but surely, my views on the world before me are changing.

So what have I learned as someone whose job it is to truly, actively listen to people? I’m so excited to share it with you.

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What I learned from teaching yoga in Bali: The Love and #RealTalk Manifesto

People have been asking me what my Bali experience was like, what I did and what I learned. It’s a bit hard to encapsulate but I’ve tried to do even a little bit of it and I came up with this manifesto: Life is shit… Change is hard… We are the problem… We must give up… So please, please shut up…

And before you start agreeing with me and nodding your head, please read on 🙂

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Bali Silent Retreat diaries: What silence has taken away and what it has given to my Yoga teaching

So… I had been talking about my going here loads and loads before I actually arrived. In the month before my flight I probably said the words “Bali Silent Retreat” at least thrice or four times every week – and even before then, I said it to myself as part of my work of manifestation.

So it’s a bit funny for me to share that, the reality of the silence only really dawned on me once I stepped foot onto the grounds. And damn, it was an overwhelming dawning.

I’m sitting here in our little teachers’ living space which is a talk-safe, device-safe zone. In a bit, I’ll be walking to the retreat grounds to prepare for my class and practice beforehand. It’s less than 3 minutes walk but the spaces feel like different countries – and in the smallest ways.

On the retreat grounds of Bali Silent Retreat (BSR), there is absolutely no talking. 

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Decluttering: Letting it rain

Half a day into settling in to our beautiful home, and a few minutes of having a notebook open in my lap I remembered why I had insisted to be here – to declutter. Surely, a huge task.

I looked up and saw a dark cloud embedded in a sea of white. It was at the forefront, looking thick and alive with rain. It was just… so out of place that it took me to the real present, where I am now constantly being reminded me of painful memories. It felt like a sign to dive into things I had happily left behind. “Go back for it.” There are so many of them, so many I’ve never shared and don’t care to come back to at all. But, to remove an unsightly dark cloud, you need to allow it to rain, let it bless the earth underneath and reunite it to the cycle of life.

There are so many of the sad stories, so many I’ve never shared and don’t care to come back to at all. But, to remove an unsightly dark cloud, you need to allow it to rain, let it bless the earth underneath and reunite it to the cycle of life.

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