Keep on working? 🙂
Don’t be fooled by the smiley. That’s a “Oh-god-help-what-do-I-do-now” smiley 🙂
Now that I feel much more settled in to my life here in Hawaii, as I predicted, next comes the stage to spread my wings – in my teaching, in my writing, maybe even speaking 🙂
As someone who’s done that before and been satisfied with the results, I assumed it would be easy. But instead, so far it’s been a process that starts and stops, halting and hurrying in bursts, and for the most part it’s been a bit frustrating – to the point where anxiety has been coming up in dreams.
And here’s where I thank my yoga practice and spiritual study. Yes, it’s frustrating and slightly worrying, but I trust in my inner sun and that always, I can and will arrive back in a place of peace.
Feeling safe in that, I am free to explore the idea that perhaps I’m scared? I’m in a new place, and suddenly the world seems much bigger. There are so many strong voices out there. Who do I speak to? Who do I serve? With whom would my practice and teaching resonate? On not-so-good days, in the midst of not knowing, I get scared and simply assume the answer to all those is “NOBODY.” And so I clam up, quiet down, and rest my words in my head.
But on the better days, especially the sunny ones, I know there are concrete answers to my questions and so I search.
I used the word, “halting,” to express the feeling of trying a few things, feeling as if they’re not moving / flowing to my liking, wanting to stop and just give up, and then picking them up again because I know that it matters to try. But though it definitely matters to try, the feeling that things are just not working for you can be frustrating.
But like my initial pondering… When you’re working on a creative block, keep working.
After centering myself, I can see now that the process is more TRY – REST / FEEL LIKE NOT TRYING ANYMORE – TRY – REST – TRY AGAIN.
Reading that back, it actually gives me pride that I can keep on going back to TRY mode, which is infinitely more challenging to the faith and to one’s confidence than trying & succeeding immediately.
My small TRY action steps that I can celebrate?
- Taking on a second job that encourages me to write, think, and really cater to an audience
- Organizing two yoga workshops, one at Kaimuki YMCA to raise funds, and one at Yoga Loft Hawaii to tell stories and dance
- Volunteering to do a writing workshop for children at the Kaimuki YMCA – hoping that there’s room for me 🙂
A sigh and a smile. Thankful for these small inspirations I don’t take for granted – and for this safe space to write.
Let there be peace in the process.
Aloha and mahalo.