Half a day into settling in to our beautiful home, and a few minutes of having a notebook open in my lap I remembered why I had insisted to be here – to declutter. Surely, a huge task.
I looked up and saw a dark cloud embedded in a sea of white. It was at the forefront, looking thick and alive with rain. It was just… so out of place that it took me to the real present, where I am now constantly being reminded me of painful memories. It felt like a sign to dive into things I had happily left behind. “Go back for it.” There are so many of them, so many I’ve never shared and don’t care to come back to at all. But, to remove an unsightly dark cloud, you need to allow it to rain, let it bless the earth underneath and reunite it to the cycle of life.
There are so many of the sad stories, so many I’ve never shared and don’t care to come back to at all. But, to remove an unsightly dark cloud, you need to allow it to rain, let it bless the earth underneath and reunite it to the cycle of life.
If I actually told you what I’ve been through, I’m pretty sure you’d be surprised. The heaviness of the past makes me laugh at the heartaches that I’ve been taking so seriously in recent weeks.
After sitting there, staring at a cloud that was impartial and impersonal, I wrote about them with pen and paper and as long ago as these things may have been, the memories still carry with them so much pain. But with it, a gentle soothing knowledge that this is the present. I thought it would be scarier to say the words, but it wasn’t. That I am m here now, that I am the way I am despite it all, that I can own my story is somewhat of a miracle to me. Who knew just being in the now could be such a balm? I know people move on beautifully every day, but still. I also know, that I wasn’t alone in this.
I am so grateful for the people, the books, the teachers, the angels and the insights that allow me to look at the past with understanding, forgiveness, and above all, LOVE. To reach this point is grace.
I know these memories are not done with me or perhaps they are. Things stick around until you’ve learned what you need to learn. Whatever the case may be, this moment right now is a promise from the universe and from myself, to myself – that it is in my heart to sit with pain and bring love along to the gathering.
(I don’t know what to make of all these memories coming up now but man, it’s hard to declutter. I’m done for the day. Hahahaha. Hay.)