Obviously, as you’ll see from the title of this post, I haven’t been a Life Coach for very long… which is precisely the reason why I just had to write this post.
I’ve only been a life coach for approximately six months and in that short time, I’ve learned so much about people, it’s insane. I have no ambitions of entertaining the idea that I’m expert, nor that I already know exactly what I’m doing either 😉 I’m just doing my best. I can say thought that I feel like very slowly but surely, my views on the world before me are changing.
So what have I learned as someone whose job it is to truly, actively listen to people? I’m so excited to share it with you.
- There’s really no one way to live.
The first time I heard this said out loud was by my tarot reading teacher and friend, Jammi of Stone and Moon. She shared that after years of reading the tarot for clients from all over, this is what she learned — There’s really no one way to live.
At the time I heard it, I thought I kind of got it. I guessed I kind of understood what she meant. All in all, it felt like a nice platitude that had some truth to it, and conveniently, it resonated with the rest of the items on my list of beliefs :p
When I started life coaching though, the light bulb turned on in my head. Bright and blazing. There’s really no one way to live.
Everything that’s said to me is absolutely confidential and I will keep it that way but what I can tell you after listening to people hash out why they felt a certain way, why they were doing what they were doing, why they wanted what they wanted, what they really needed, and what they truly truly hope for is this — you’ll never really know the truths behind a person except by listening to them in a safe space, as a nonjudgmental listener. might assume their motives and they may even say something that seems to support your view on them, but you’ll never hear what they are truly saying, nor will they say what they truly
We might assume others’ motives and they may even say something that seems to support our views on them, but we’ll never hear what they are truly saying, nor will they say what they truly mean, unless we give them the space to. And once we do, we’ll realize that everyone is just way tooooo different for us to say what is truly a good idea and what is not. I could do something completely dissonant with my personality for example. And while it’s possible that you may know why I’m doing it and what the solution is — it’s also just as possible that you’re completely wrong and what you’re suggesting won’t help me at all.
I know it seems vague so perhaps I’ll borrow this insight from one of my Instagram posts to explain it:
“One of our biggest spiritual lessons is to understand that everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment. People can only do so much with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that they have. Invariably, anyone who mistreats someone was mistreated themselves as a child. The greater the violence, the greater their own inner pain, and the more they may lash out. This is not to say that their behavior is acceptable or excusable. However for our own spiritual growth, we must be aware of their pain.” — Louise Hay, Affirmations for Forgiveness 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 If I’m right, I’m only right for myself – based on what i think life should be and how I should live it. If ever we seek change in anything anyone or any place — we have to keep on being right for ourselves, disciplining ourselves to do and say what we think is right. If someone resonates then that’s a blessing. It’s the only way 🕉
I only learned it because as a Life Coach, I do my best not to give advice unless outright asked for it, which actually happens quite often.If ever I do give a piece of advice and it resonates, I always feel that it was just lucky, that they were on the way to that realization anyway.
I don’t give advice because I believe that the best solution will come from your beautiful mind and heart – my only job is to open your eyes to the possibility that solutions exist beyond what you already know . I don’t give advice because there’s really no one way to live life, only your way.
2. People work through their life changes in their own ways and in their own time. And sometimes, this can be as fast as a few days.
It’s a learning that echoes what I said above. Just as there’s no one way to live, think, or feel – there’s also no one way to go about things.
I meet my clients for four conversations, and more if they’d like to continue. (GO TO: GET LIFE COACHING)
What’s similar for all my clients is that every single time I sit down with them again after our last conversation, soooooooo many things have changed. Their minds have changed, their energy, their actions, their goals even. I am constantly amazed at the life changes my coaching clients have managed to make in the short times between conversations.
Why am I amazed? Usually because during the last conversation, a lot of insights and information were unearthed – so much so that even though they feel good after our time together, a lot of questions remain unanswered and a lot of exercises need to be done. By the next conversation, I usually expect that we’ll simply go back to understanding the insights unearthed and the exercises I left them with — but coaching clients always go way past what I expect. They not only did the exercise, they made huge strides on their own too. It was all them. A combination of awareness, motivation, and drive to do their own work on their own time outside of our time together.
Not to say that this is always what I’ll expect since there is no one way to live (yes I will keep on repeating it). This is just to say that I’m constantly amazed at how fast shifts can happen in life when people are dedicated and feel supported.
It also has shown me so far that life coaching isn’t about carrying another person through. Instead, it’s more about supporting a person’s individuality and independence, and being there to tell them they’re doing great and that they can actually do it without you. Counterintuitive to sales thinking but completely true 🙂
3. Being goal-oriented isn’t the only way to be productive and successful.
Again, it all roots down to #1: There’s no one way to live.
As a person, I’m naturally goal-oriented. My job in media before becoming a yoga teacher and a life coach was all about making things happen. And I’ve always felt amazing when I had something to work for and work towards. During life coaching training we’re also told that a huge part of our role is to get people to reach their goals and exceed it – and I’m sure that’s what you might think too, about what life coaches do.
Yes, that’s what we do. But that’s just part of it. Especially if the person is simply not goal-oriented 🙂
It’s easy to think “not being goal-oriented” means being lazy or complacent but hey, who says we can’t call it contentment? Perhaps you knew this already but honestly, this is such a big learning for me. Striving and dreaming is my way, but there’s no one way to live. And so, we cannot ever judge. If you happen to be one of those content people, blessings to you and I admire you so much.
4. Deep service is the best way to sell anything.
It’s been six months and already I’ve coached way more people than I expected, and on a regular basis. What a blessing. What a blessing.
I was wondering how this was happening and assumed it was simply the Law of Attraction. (READ: 5 simple steps to harness the Law of Attraction everyday)
Recently though I watched an online video training for coaches and it proposed that, beyond online marketing and blogging and so on, the best way to truly “sealing a sale” or “closing a deal” is by deep, deep service.
Deep service meaning — being present, listening, being open, giving your time, giving people’s insights value.
Yes, all these coaching clients are blessings that came to me because I attracted them – not just through my thoughts though, but through deep service 🙂
It’s a great motivation to keep on going and keep on working hard.
Those are my learnings, six months in 🙂 Perhaps 8 months in or a year in, it will be different or it will be the same (though hopefully worded better). I’m so looking forward to learning more and coaching more.
If you’d like to know more about what it’s like to be coached, try reading this: What’s it’s Like to be heard by a Life Coach.
And, thanks for reading 🙂